I regret letting you lure me in
I regret letting you kiss me
I regret believing your lies
I regret choosing you over my friends
I regret rushing things
I regret letting you not being there for me get to me to the point of causing myself pain
I regret bringing you to the wedding
I regret the docks
I regret our first christmas
I regret this one
I regret accepting your ring
I regret giving you two rings
I regret taking them back

Maybe I do regret the tattoo...
The one thing I don't regret is our spot.
It's the spot where we were supposed to become friends, but instead we went down the wrong path.

I hope I can get over this
I hope I can stay strong
I hope I can make it
I hope I will meet someone special
To be completely honest,
I hope you don't.

I want you to think of me when you wake up,
and when you go to bed.
And when you can't sleep.
I want you to think of me when you walk by Harveys, or Mama's Pizza, or Subway and Quiznos.
I want you to think about the shirt I was wearing when we met,
and what my hair looked like.
And remember what you were thinking at that very moment.
And remember what you lost.

I hope you regret it.

My aunt died today.
She was 51.
Cancer.
I want to write a poem, but don't want to cry.
I'm kinda trying to forget about it.. pretend it didn't happen.

I went all the way to work and had to leave because I found out. That was embarassing. plus i was holding back tears all the way home.

The shitty thing is, they said she was dyING not DEAD. but I could feel it. I just knew it. I was lookin in the clouds and I just knew it.

My my my, long time no rant.

A lot has happened in my life.

In December I went to counselling because I have issues.
In June sometime I confronted my family and my abuser.

I switched to Monarch, now I'm not going.

McDonalds chose me to go to Vancouver and work for the olympics. That's right bitch, I'm THAT good.

I gave up with school, and Vancouver is my excuse. I'm going in February.. probably for a month. Everything is covered, I think..

Taylor and I obviously broke up. lol, day after my birthday. I am definitely not ranting about that one.

I got my tattoo covered.. It's messed up already though.. the lettering came off haha gotta touch that up.
At some point I will add a photo of it. Some people say it's stupid, but it means somethin to me so I don't care what they think.

It's funny how life plays out. I thought Taylor would be the ONLY one. and by only i FUCKING mean ONLY. He's still a huge part of my life, but I've moved on tremendously. When I broke up with him, the gotrain doors separated us. =SIGN! lol. he made it and i didnt.

then ten seconds later, I met Donald. haha. he hit on me, and smoked me on a spliff. AMAZING.

then I had a few other ..unfortunate experiences.
then I met Tim. haha he's so hot! Major boost of confidence on my part. I met him at a party, we totally hit it off. well, at least i think so.. i dont really care what he thinks hah.

I was supposed to go to a group counselling thing for sexual abuse. Went all the way there on the day I thought it started, FOR NOTHING! Turns out it's not til february, in which case I might possibly be in vancouver.

I was supposed to see THE USED on oct. 20th. They fucking cancelled it.
They're playing in december WITH three days grace, which is kind of amazing cause I love both bands.. but it's the ACC. I hate the ACC. it's gonna suck if I go, but I HAVE to see the used. it's my goal in life. I just wish it was at Kool Haus, that would've been so much fun.

Doubt anyone reads this, but if you do, how are you world?

This is a project for Family Studies. I'd really appreciate it for anyone and everyone's cooperation! And you can do this survey even if you weren't abused, I need some of you too! Thank you!

FEEL FREE TO REPLY IN A NOTE TO ME.

First: State your age and your sex. Your location if you want.

Please copy questions in your response. If any of the questions don't apply to you just put N/A.

YOUR FACTS:


Have you ever been sexually abused? If not do you know anybody in your family who has been?:

How old were they/you?:

Are you/they living with a single parent or couple?:
Are or were your parents married?:
Are they just separated or divorced?:

Are you/they on the poverty line?:

How many people in total do you know have been abused?:

Did it occur more than once?(to you):

Is the abuser male or female?:
Is/was the abuser involved with drugs and/or alcohol?:

Does the abuser have any mental health problems?(if it is schizophrenia please state it):

Out of all the incidents that you know about, how many of the abusers were a member of the family?:
How many were not?:

Have you or the person you know about confronted their abuser?:
Their/your family?:

Please say yes to one-

How often do you/does your known person see their abuser?

Never:
Few times a year:
Once a month:
Every week or several times per month:

If you chose never,
how often is the abuser involved with you/them through non-contact means (phone, e-mail, etc.)

Never:
Rarely:
Sometimes:
Often:

Have you been to counselling or any type of therapy?:
if so, how long have you been involved with it?:
Is it helping you?:

YOUR MEMORIES (for people answering for themselves):


When did you remember?:
Was it one single memory or several?:
Did you think it was fake/just a dream?:
Was it forced or did it happen while you were sleeping?:


YOUR OPINIONS:


What do you think causes child abuse?:

How should the Legal System respond to Child Abuse?:
-Should abusers with mental health problems be punished or treated?:

What do you think can be done to reduce/end child abuse?:



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Sorry for all the questions, I just wrote whatever came to mind, if you want to throw in another question and answer it, write it at the end! Thank you so much!

IS RIDICULOUS!
If you smoke in the car while you're alone, there is "third hand smoke" anyway! literally in the same newspaper i was reading, there was the banning article, then a third hand smoke article.. like it was a new discovery. Well whether you smoke in the car with your kids or not, the residue will stick on to the fabrics, just like they say.. so it doesn't really make a difference does it?

I am back with taylor..
doesn't surprise anybody does it? loll

I've started counselling.. all is well.

I'll update later.